Painting my younger self

When I was four years old 

I was 44 inches tall. 

I have wanted to do this painting for about a year now and I finally finished it this semester. I did ballet for 15 years; I didn't always enjoy it though. Girls are mean, teachers are tough and I just wanted to dance.

Looking at pictures of myself at four and five years old is such a strange thing. You are looking at yourself but you remember nothing about being that person. I find sadness in that, but also wonder. So while planning this piece I wanted her (myself) to be looking out a window at all the places she could go and all the things she could be. I really, really, really wanted everyone that saw it to have that "awww" moment like when you see a child.

The painting took about 40 hours and I did struggle a lot. Most of the time I would sit and look at it, picturing what I wanted it to look like. I could see the color that the dress needed to be and the glowing blue background and her hair in a bun; a few of my friends sat with me, encouraging me to just put the paint on the canvas.

I love progress pictures of my art...

  

  


The title of the piece is "Who will you be?"

A strange thing happened after I finished it. I felt so protective of her and was hesitant to show it to anyone. It was like I thought she had ears and would hear if someone said something bad about her. I had this immediate feeling of putting her in my car, taking her home and keeping her safe in my bedroom. Because I know what comes after that age. I know what comes after that costume. I just never thought I would feel so strongly about a painting, especially protecting it. Protecting me.

Kayla Audrey

"Litany" by Billy Collins

One of my favorite poems from my poetry class this semester was titled "Litany" by Billy Collins 

Read the Full Poem HERE

This is a free verse poem written in 2002. There are SO many similes and beautiful imagery that I want to talk about and connect. The intro to Poetry class has given me the tools to see the art different. 

You are the dew on the morning grass
And the burning wheel of the sun
…
I am the sound of rain on the roof
I also happen to be the shooting star
And the evening paper blowing down an alley

The speaker does not just describe the person they are talking to and love in similes, but also them self. She is described as dew on the grass maybe because she is fresh, new every morning, but will soon dry up with the day. I enjoyed the next line about being the burning wheel of the sun when Collins added the word “wheel”. She is a source of light and life like the sun, but she is changing, turning and possibly going somewhere. Describing himself, there is also sound imagery used. Rain is calming, even during storm or maybe a rough time in their relationship. When you hear rain on a roof you are inside, safe and have shelter. In comparison to the sun he describes her as, he describes himself as a shooting star. Still an image of something burning, a light in the sky, but he is more impermanent. He will burn up quickly after exciting you with his beauty and rarity of sighting.

I like how this poem describes love and relationship from many angles and does it tremendously effectively. Love makes you feel many feelings, sometimes at the same time. In the line “ and the evening paper blowing down an alley” he feels forgotten, alone and maybe once loved or once used. Now he has been read and disregarded. In fact, the second lines of the last two stanzas involve images of things that are all familiar, used and forgotten, even though the items contrast as a evening paper in an alley and a tea cup. It matters thought who is holding the cup; a blind woman.

The use of the word blind is nice too. I think it serves two purposes. Love is blind and it will always be blind; this poem describes this over and over. But also he describes himself as the blind woman, but is possibly describing her as blind. It’s one of those, i’ll admit that I’m doing something wrong in a way that you might realize you are at fault as well. For months I have been saying to him “I’m scared you won’t like me when you get back” but really I was scared that I wouldn’t like him anymore.

The poem ends with him comparing her to the wine again. How she will always be the wine, and adds the word “-somehow-“ with the dashes. I love the sense of intoxication, and if this is a departing poem, it lets us as readers know that if they meet again, or hook up, he will still -somehow-, all things aside, be intoxicated by this girl.